I was reading over my website today, and I came across some things that I wrote awhile back. Some of it is poetry, some of it is fiction and some of it is just a whole load of my random musings. I was thinking I might transfer some of the writings on there, over to here… hope you don’t mind.
So, in one of my earlier posts I talked about K, the girl I was in love with. One of the things on my website, is a small piece I wrote about her… it’s kind of fluffed up with emotive words, so forgive me, but I guess it portrays how I felt at the time, and I guess, how I still feel about her now… split by both distance and time. I used to think that the heart was a fickle thing, how much further from the truth can you get?!
Without further ado, let me present to you my piece entitled “Those Three Words” (humor me for a few minutes here, and play this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85lKsSCZm4k&feature=search as you read… for dramatic effect… indeed, ever the drama queen). And here it is:
Those Three Words
Didn’t know I could feel this way again. The day we met I told myself no, I wont let my heart fall for anyone again. I stuck to my word, one day, two days, three days… finally a week, then two. And yet somehow I knew inside, everyday that passed, every week I got to know you more and more, I was beginning to fall.
The past, they say, comes back to haunt you. I was in love once before, I gave her my whole heart, I gave her my soul. We were perfect… for awhile. Even at the end I still loved her, I still gave her everything I could, and still she gradually pulled away, rejecting my love, rejecting my heart, rejecting me. It hurt me, so much that I became nothing, she was my life and she left. I grew cold, I built myself back up from nothing, vowing to remain stone, showing no feeling, no emotion and feeling nothing for anybody other than myself.
It worked for awhile. Then you, you who I came to call friend, answered my broken heart’s call. I didn’t tell you, I couldn’t. My mind was set on remaining alone, but my heart, ohh how my heart called for you more than anything. More than a want, it was a need. My heart needed you, you and your heart. And still it needs you. Every moment I’m with you it beats so hard and so fast I fear you can hear it, and every moment we’re apart I long to be back in your presence.
I listen, everyday and every night for your heart to call out to me, but still I wait. Still I sit awake till the earliest hours and long to hear your voice saying those three words. Those three words I long to call to you, those three terrible words, words that inspire pain and torture but also those three beautiful words, words that when said right and to the right person, will heal all pain and conquer all torture. For when you say them to that right person those three incredible words mean more than any other word, any other feeling or thought.
Because with the right person, “I Love You” is everything, they mean “you are my world, my moon, my sun and my universe”, “you are my life and my love”, “you are my soul and I am yours”, “forever is still not long enough for us to be together.”
And those three words, are the three words my soul aches to say to you, but the three words I bury deep inside when we’re together. One day, I will say them to you and that day I will hope, with every cell in my body, that you have been longing to say them back.
Hope that wasn’t too bad! You guys must think I some sort of emotional wreck, and incredibly soppy. (I’ve also noticed that these posts seem to be becoming more and more about me, and I was hoping to avoid become one of those bloggers, so again, my apologies).